Insecurity Running the Show

I was sitting at Chipotle yesterday, which is admittedly one of my favorite “easy” food options on a busy day. This particular day I was sitting outside within earshot of a few other tables. I can honestly say it didn’t take long for me to wish I had brought my headphones. I often tune into podcasts throughout the day as I continue craving ways to connect more on a spiritual level along this journey of life. This particular day however, I didn’t have them. I then naturally assumed that their must have been a reason I didn’t have them and couldn’t help but overhear much of a conversation that was taking place a few tables away….

Two people, one voice. That’s what I heard for 15 minutes as I sat there eating my meal. I couldn’t tell the dynamic of the two and could only assume they were both in their thirties, one man and one woman. The man faced away from me and really just seemingly stared down at his food most of the time as he took bite after bite, hardly looking up. I’m not sure he said a word the entire time. The woman hardly stopped talking. Either of them could’ve been talking, so this has nothing to do with any stereotype some of you might be thinking here, but more what she was saying that struck me so heavily. I’m not sure if I’ve heard as much gossip and talking down about other people within a 15 minute window since adolescence, at least that I actually paid attention to. I found her demeanor very boisterous with both her words and facial expressions. The cinematic impact of “drama” in the conversation was inescapable to detect, even for another human being sitting two tables away. I caught just enough to realize what was happening and the fact that the conversation mostly deflected any attention from herself. I admit, I cannot know what I do not know. I simply call them as I see them and this particular conversation struck me. I left Chipotle almost feeling bad for her, despite the theatrical act she put on while talking nonstop about what everyone else was doing wrong. I found myself asking what would possibly make a person project such negativity onto others? My guess, simply insecurity in who she is and how she feels about herself.

We all talk about others, yet when we speak from a place of shaming, degrading, judging or offering our unwarranted opinions of how someone else lives, aren’t we being a little arrogant? I also think doing so behind others’ back (gossip) actually only hurts ourselves. We are the only ones who actually have to sit and listen to it. I don’t know what that girl has been through, and quite frankly it’s none of my business. She simply got me thinking and I don’t judge where she is on her journey. I also don’t think this gossiping aspect of self is something she’s even aware could be harming her spirit. I do believe that deflecting attention from ourselves by putting negative energy into the world about others is not the frequency I want to live from. I admit, I’ve done plenty of gossiping in my day and if we’re honest with ourselves we are all a tad guilty (at least). Big scheme of things though, I felt sorry for her. Sorry that she felt the need to “be right” in so many situations with so many others. Sorry that her ego was that much in control of her voice, her feelings and her life. I don’t want to live that way and I choose to put positive and non-judgmental energy into the world the best I can. I think I’ll simply pray for more people and do my best not to gossip. I think this is work worth doing.

Today I’m surrendering gossip and judgement, and will continue to work on this due to enhanced awareness via a conversation overheard on a Chipotle patio. Would you care to join me?